Jesus Christ: The First Charlie Sheen

So I was talking to one of my friend about an idea proposed by the author of The Da Vinci Code. This was the idea and belief that Jesus was in fact married and even a father. Of course he, being a devoted Catholic, found all this to be false fabrication to sell a few books. I, of course, disagree. I think that Dan Brown, if anything, underestimated Jesus’ ass-getting abilities.
Lets review the 5 reasons, in my mind, made Jesus such a catch.

1. Like Father Like Son.
Only an almighty god can knock up a girl and make her believe that she was still in fact a virgin, making me in turn believe that suaveness like that might be hereditary. If in fact that talent is transmissible then Jesus would be the only man on earth to inherit god like abilities in the ladies department.

2. Surfer’s body.
What straight women wouldn’t like a man with the chiseled body of a…well a god? Being a carpenter not only gave him the benefit of being an awesome furniture maker but also gave him the lean look of a surfer. Don’t believe me? Just look at all the crucifixes. Other than the fact that he is dying on it, the six pack and the long hair would make any guy envy him and any girl get hot under the robe.

3. Jesus What?
Being called “the son of God” not only made you respectable but also very rich in peoples’ mind. Women would flock to a man who was believed to either be very rich or have a possibility of a future success. Kind of like how a prince would get all the babes because his dad is the king, or how a brat would get away with a DUI because his dad is the State Attorney. Not only did he get the ability to get women drunk with water but he also got a great last name.

4. Famous
Only the most famous of people walk around with a group of people. That we now call an “entourage” but back then each one of them was considered a disciple because “entourage” was considered too Frenchy and their hate for France was so immense that the country didn’t even exist. These “disciples” where so hungry for fame that they decided to mooch off of Jesus’ life and beliefs and write a book to pay their bills. Even now his fame has made that book more popular than Harry Potter, another book about a boy that gets popular because of his magical abilities.

5. Commitment?
Are you looking for a long relationship? Well Jesus’ wasn’t. He was probably one of the only men of his time to have the ability to say, “I would love to marry you, but….yeah.”
His awareness of his early death didn’t leave much room for a long term commitment and therefore giving him the excuse for one night stands.

If that hasn’t changed your mind on why we now celebrate the birth of the world’s coolest person and basically the oldest known rock star, then I don’t know what will, maybe you can ask yourself WWJD? (Who Would Jesus Do?).
So in conclusion I don’t believe he was married, he’s too cool for that and I don’t believe he had an offspring, but many.
Happy Birthday J-Man

Love the language but hate the music.

As a few of you that know me personally might know, I am very opinionated. They would also know that there are a lot of things I don’t like, one of these things being Spanish music.
Before anyone sets out to do away with me, I would like to make my point. I will get to only some genres and explain in full detail the things I don’t like about them and the artist that furthermore make me want to shove my head into a blender and take some of that music with me and maybe spare the innocence of a future generation.
I will begin in no specific order.

Bachata:
This genre of music is generally new. It’s basically like emo’s gay cousin. The songs usually consist of depressing themes that are interlaced with an upbeat sound in slow motion. The groups consist of metrosexual guys in a band with names that don’t make sense with the genre. On so call group is X-Treme. Which makes no sense since no part of them is extreme. Well maybe one of the dude’s eyebrows.

Duranguense:
The only thing I like about this genre is that there is fewer members now than there was a few months ago. Yes I went there. I guess someone was as fed up with me about this music style that they decided to do something about it. We all know that this style is almost always associated with crime and trafficking and it’s no surprise that lately there are fewer artists due to that.

Reggaeton:
Who decide to rape an already bad genre like reggae and keep the retarded baby? The only creative things these people do is come up with stupid names for themselves. Why cant there be an artist that keeps their own name? Not only are they themselves untalented but the music they produce is uncreative. Its easy to rhyme when you purposely put the same ending to words that otherwise wouldn’t rhyme.

Spanish Rock:
I have nothing against this genre. I love rock, but I hate fakers. Who decide to make RBD and Belinda rock artist? Who ever decided this can contact me, arrange a meeting and hopefully get your ass kicked for ruining such a good genre. Although there are many great rock artist that sing in spanish like Molotov and El Tri, there are also great artist with gay names. Please do me and all of your fans a favor and change your name. You can’t get much respect with a band name like Camilla or Allison. Those are girl names for a reason.

That should cover most of the big selection in spanish music. If I miss any important ones let me know so I can tell you what I hate about them.

Thanksgiving 07. Not the best in traditional sense but the most memorable

The day started off as any normal day for a college dropout, waking up half pass ten with the biggest case of morning wood that season. After finishing a bowl of cold cereal (to compliment the cold morning), I get a call from a special someone. After muting the TV, I noticed something. The Macy's Day Parade still sucks.

The call was an invitation to a thanksgiving dinner. I decided to go figuring that since my family was gone I had no one to spend it with. The dinner in reality was a lunch due to some family tradition. So once again dinner was scheduled alone.

Once I arrived back home I watched more TV. I checked my email which to my surprise was...empty. Figures. So I decide to work on my dinner. I did. It was delicious.

The meal began with some cold fries from the day before and some shrimp that came with the meal. After I was done with that I decide to go a bit creative. I microwaved a few corndogs and a can of chili. I called it chilorndogs. To that I added a turkey sandwich. Probably the only traditional thing I had. For dessert I had Pop-Tarts that I found deep in the cabinet. I only had one and a half due to one of them breaking up and falling on floor. I don't trust the floor.

To sum it up, Thanksgiving was lonely but delicious.
Happy Thanksgiving.

How the iPod isnt so great.

Ive been a firm believer for many years now that in the world of digital media players, the iPod has lost its mystique.

I've been a big fan of Apple and its great products over the years, I even had high hopes for them in their bad years, but I started a mini crusade a while back. I want to stop all this hype.

What people don't know is that other companies stepped up as soon as the iPod hype started and created a great variety of mp3 players. Some of these are by all means better in almost all ways than the iPod. I need to start by saying that I have a full profound respect for the Apple company and its product, but a personal thing against the hype.

This all started when I was in the market for a new mp3 player, with high hopes that it would be an iPod, a nano to be more exact. I did what any responsible buyer would do, I did my research.

Turns out that many companies have top notch players. In my search I came upon the Sandisk e200 series. I instantly fell in love with it. It offered everything that the Nano offer like picture and a 4 gig capability plus a lot more. The Sansa, as it is called, offered the ability of video and a flash based memory (which allows for faster searches through your library, compared to the hard drive base iPods). It also had a FM tuner and a voice recorder plus the ability of extra memory through its SD memory card slot. The only thing you had to compromise was the size. The Sansa which wasn't as thin as the Nano was only a bit bigger, about the width of a pencil, but was a bit shorter. The screen and the resolution is also bigger and better than the nano, by a lot. One thing that might not be very important and is overlooked ofter is the battery. The Sansa offers a removable lithium battery, this is important because once this battery dies out from years of recharges you can just order the battery and not have to send in the player to have it professionally changed. The best thing about all of this was that when I bought it, a few days after its release, it was brand new and cheaper than its competitor, by about 50 bucks.

So now a proud owner of a 4 gig Sandisk Sansa for almost 2 years its still probably one of the best mp3 players out there.

I'm just putting that out there.

How to be a straight gay man.

Maybe the show has a secret message?

Today in 20/20 they had a segment on how religious organizations are providing homosexuals a way to change their "behavior" and be straight "again".

This didn't surprise me at all since religious nuts are always finding a way to contradict science and common knowledge, but what did surprise me was the amount of gay men that it didn't help. I thought that maybe if the program worked and homosexuality was a behavior more and more men would change and stay straight. That wasn't the case. Most of the men, by most i mean almost all of them, went back to their past "behavior" and the ones that supposedly changed were not completely straight. Gay feelings still lingered and most still acted upon them.

The show also mention a few things that these sorts of programs do wrong. Like cause these people the ability to be happy. By not acting on their feelings these people lose the ability to know affection and love and have to live a life of lies.

I guess eventually people will realize that homosexuality isn't a behavior, but something that you just are. You just have to accept that, and hope others will too. The religious freaks will have to wait to be proven wrong by science.

Maybe the missing link is a gay caveman?

Celebrities are People Too... I Think?

As most of the world saw on the Mtv Music Awards, the celebrities there had a few moments that would be consider controversial and talk-worthy, and they were. Only because the people it happened too are famous and house hold names.

How many guys in the world had fist fight over a girl? Many, but when Kid Rock and Tommy Lee did it, it made the news the next day. But what are we suppose to expect from these guys? One is a trailer trash wannabe and one is a stupid drummer from a band that kind of sucks. Both fought over a hot babe with huge milk silos. Doesn't that happen all the time down south? So why expect less? They're people too, right?

Then you have Kanye West who threw a bitch fit after he lost every single thing he was nominated for. Don't babies do the same when they don't have their way? So why expect anything else from an obvious mama's-boy?

Talking about mothers, Britney probably had the worse night. Her lip syncing wasn't too bad, it would have surprised me more is she had actually sang, but we all know she hasn't done that ever and will never do it due to the lack (absence) of talent. The media made a huge deal about her body, which wasn't completely bad. It was a bit bigger and a bit more saggy then her younger years, but what do you expect? Shes a mother of two. There's women who don't have kids that look like they have had a bakers dozen of kids. So I wont say much about that. I will suggest that she just quits. Someone needs to tell her that shes done, that today people like singers that sing.

LOL (Laughing Or Lying)? :)

Are people lying or are they actually laughing whenever they type "lol" or "lmao"? In most cases "lol" can be used to fill in an awkward silence or to respond to something completely stupid. In those cases, is it safe to think that the "lol" is valid?
I know this from personal use. When the conversation becomes awkward or silent a LOL is the best thing I can come up with. I don't mean it, but it works. I guess it tells the person to pick up the dead conversation.
LOL also has a sarcastic and rude tone to it. When you say a joke or something with a bit of humor, the LOL makes you question if the person found it funny or is just being careful with your feelings.
So basically I want to petition a new word or symbol for laughter. Any suggestions?

RING around the poser...

When the first person came up with the name "earring" they did it because of the obvious look of the piercing, a ring, or loop, in and and around the ear. That I don't have a problem with, the problem comes when the jewelry stops being a ring, and starts to take form of other items such as a stud or a chandelier style piece of metal. When this happens can an earring still be called a ring? I don't think so. If the jewelry doesn't loop in any way, the jewelry should get a different name, one that tells you what its doing.

For example, the studs should stop having the name "earrings" and get the name "earballs" and the chandeliers type should get the name "eardanglers". That way it avoids confusion among us normal folks, or at least lets us know with greater detail what exactly you're wearing.

This petition to change the name of "earrings" doesn't just end at the ears, it goes for everything else that could be pierced, such as nipples, tongues, and genitalia to name a few.

This entry is dedicated to someone special. She was the inspiration for this lame entry.

How "High School Musical" got it wrong.

This morning as I was watching the morning news, I happened to change it to one of those shows that mixes news and talk shows formats into one watchable and sometimes good show, if you don't know what I mean I apologize, and they happened to have the cast of "High School Musical". They were promoting their upcoming movie and showing some of the little ones some of the dance moves they do in the film.

Well I had never really seen it and was happy that way, but that movie sparked my interest in why this was such a big deal. So i watched it. Turns out they have no idea what high school is.

The movie, which is composed of people who no longer go to high school, early 20s to be more specific, are followed by a huge fan base of people who aren't anywhere near high school, preteens and earlier to be specific.

This thing is a joke to what high school really is and what really happens in high school. I don't blame them, they do have to sell it to people who haven't experienced high school in its full spectacle of backstabbing, depressing loneliness and exaggerated drama. The actors in the show aren't even real or try to act real. They act as if they are happy every second they breath, like they don't understand what emotions are, other than "happy". The characters seem to not know what sex is and what drugs are for, something that is quite obvious in real high school.

I understand that the show is produced by the kid friendly giant they call Disney and they do have a reputation to maintain, but I truly think that if they are going to let the wee ones know the high school experience, the show should have a little more depth and realism. I do agree on one thing, we sometimes do break into song and dance.

So if you feel the same way comment me, if you don't comment me anyways.

So that's whats on my mind today.

The WTF Dreams!

I need help interpreting some dreams that are driving me crazy. I wont go into great detail on what these dreams are about because the dreams are either too lengthy, detailed or way too personal. The things I need help on (which are posted below) are minor details in the dreams, details that I believe have the most meaning in the dream.

I know people out there are pretty good at figuring out what stuff and events in dreams mean so if you're one of them, please help. Even if you're not but you have some theories I would love to hear from you as well.

1. First day of school: the school I go to is made out of natural clay.

2. On a trip: the house next the the B&B I'm staying in has a room with a sign outside with the words "last one to bed".

3.On a hill: A red house in the distance with a great lawn made out of small cactuses.

4.In a hallway: a door at the end of the hallway that keeps leading me to the beginning of the hallway.

These are driving me crazy so any help or comments will help.

Update on the evils of religion.

Where does Mr. Mahony buy his insurance?

As I said in one of my last entries about the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and all the money they must pay to all the victims of their sick habits, a new detail came to the news that surprised me.

The Archdiocese of LA will pay most of the 660 million dollars through its insurance. Insurance? WTF! How does someone get insurance for something like this?Is this insurance available for everyone? because if it is i bet a lot of folks would love to know how to apply for such a protection.

Why cant priest just hire prostitutes? Isn't there a Vatican madam? Maybe they can ask the DC madam to branch out a bit, go global.

That's whats on my mind today.

Pricey Ice-y

What do you get when you mix FEMA and Katrina and wait two years?

You get 12.5 million dollars of tax money literally down the drain.

When Katrina hit the US coast the destruction cause a great need of supplies and food, among these was the need of ice. FEMA, in their full greatness, sent thousands probably millions of pounds of ice to suffice the need of the people affected by the devastation. They did such a dandy job that they ended up with a surplus of ice. What to do with thousands of pounds of unused ice? Maybe put it away for future use?

Well that's what ended up happening and now its been two years and the ice is still being kept in storage up north, some even in Maine. Not so long ago a problem came up. The ice was for some reason is no longer safe for human consumption and is going to be melted and dumped.

All I have to say is bye-bye 12.5 million dollars. Money that was used for the transportation and storage of ice for two years.

So a few questions came to mind: Isn't it much cheaper to get new ice when needed than to store old ice for future use? how does ice all of a sudden become "unsafe"? and why isn't that ice being used for something more proactive instead of it being dumped?

That's whats in my mind today.

Why We Should Sterilize Celebrities.

The thing that bugs me most about celebrities, is when a celebrity has children. There are a few things that make me think this.

1.Children from the rich and famous are brats.

A prime example would be Nicole Richie. Her adopted father Lionel Richie made his living with his singing and I applaud that, but by getting a child he put to risk the Richie name. His daughter, who had no need to work, set forth a life of easy living and trouble making. Her tape goddess friend Paris, who I will not talk about due to there being too much to say about her, wasn't the person who gave Nicole that path, pure luck at birth gave her that path. Now she might go to jail. Who knew?

2.Success is just too easy for them.

Having famous daddies and mommies can help out a lot if you want to get into an entertainment industry. You don't even have to have talent to do so, just a popular last name. This pollutes the business with untalented artist and takes away opportunities from real talents. I wont even mention the bloated ego these people get.

3.Deprived Children

This will probably be the only defense toward famous kids ill make. Having a child while in the prime of your celebrity status can end up with a child deprived of a mother or father, which is no surprise why these children grow up to have some of the most fast and fucked up lives. Look at Ms. Spears, sometimes I wonder if she even remembers she has kids.

4.Messed up Gene Pool.

Celebrities tend to not have the brightest children, good looking but not always bright. Nuff' said.

5.My favorite thing to hate is....

That popular statement when a paparazzi snaps a shot of the little bundle of joy. The way the celebrities defend the idea of leaving the kid alone, "my child didn't pick to have this lifestyle so I would prefer if you leave him/her alone". This is total bull poop. You picked to give your child that lifestyle now live with it. If its such a problem don't fucking have kids then.

6.One last thing...

Stop adopting so many kids...there wont be any left for us normal folks to adopt. Adopt a puppy or something.

That's whats on my mind.

Religion: The Pomoter of All Evil

Why is the Virgin Mary statue crying?....Her religion is messed up.

Last night in the news there was a report on the sex crimes committed by the Catholic church in Los Angeles. The victims, over 500 of them, would receive a combined amount of 660 million dollars for the crimes committed on them by the priest, that's a little over 1 million dollars each. My question isn't on why these priest did what they did because we all know that priest are usually pedophiles and pervs, but where does all that money come from?

I can talk about some of the other things religion has done through out time that questions their motives as a religion. Such things like the Inquisition, the Crusades, the Holocaust and all the small battles that are still going on to this date between different faiths, but to keep true to the name I will stick with what specifically is pissing me off today, that being the source of all the money big religions seem to have.

So I ask you this. When a religion has more than half a billion dollars to shut a few mouths up in one city, why does this religion still ask you for donations during mass and why don't they use that money to help out the people they pray for?

Something that surprised me a few years back was a comparison between Mother Teresa and a business tycoon who ended up going to jail due to fraud. This comparison was to show that this man, who was seen as an evil man by the media, had in reality helped more people in a few years than Mother Teresa had her whole life. This man created jobs and opportunities and MT just prayed. So why is she seen as such a saint? Couldn't she asked her buddies down at Vatican City to stop molesting children for a while and write her a check? I mean if money was an issue at the time, why not pawn a few of those gold chairs and diamond rings?

I also question the followers of such religions. Why do you keep supporting them? Why do you give them more money? Don't you think that when a religion, whatever it may be, does something that horrible, should continue to have supporters?

That's whats pissing me off today.