Myspace: The Great Creator of Unoriginality

When I first heard of Myspace back in 2003 the first though I had was “Ok, social networking, that’s a good idea” but now its 2008 and I’m finally going to put it out there, MYSPACE IS FULL OF IDIOTS THAT COPY OTHER IDIOTS.

This isn’t news, I know. It was one of the reasons that kept me away from Myspace for such a long time, now I’m wondering why I even joined. The thing is that it’s only the small things that drive me crazy about the people that hang around Myspace.

For example, WhO DeCiDeD tHaT ThIs WaS A cOoL WaY tO wRiTe? Because if you know that person, please do me a favor and kick him/her in the face. Cuz omg, itz sooooooo aknowyeeng (trust me, I’ve seen it spelled that way) een stfu cuz no1 thoz dat anymoor*. That’s another thing I don’t like.

Abbreviations are ok, but don’t try to abbreviate everything and make a word longer than it should be. Also please, if you send me any sort of message or email, please, I beg that you take some time with grammar and spelling. I do. That’s how much I care about you guys. Once again I don’t mind abbreviations, but take it easy. What happened to actually caring about what you write these days? I mean, you’re on your computer; you have a full fucking keyboard with all 26 letters. Use them all. It’s not a phone pad, ** you can use all the letters.

Another thing is pictures. I don’t mind that you have a zillion pictures, but is it really necessary to have 100 of them from the same party, with the same people in all of them? I mean, I get it, you went there, you meet those 4 and you had fun. I got it from the first 2 pictures; I don’t need 98 more of them.

Also, last time I checked, cameras still have delay timers. So what’s up with all of those self taken pictures? You know the ones with your face, your shoulder and a trail of arm going up to the corner of the picture? And why do you feel the need to take some of those with yourself looking down? Its not artist, if that’s what your going for, its stupid. I can see how one or two would be ok, but quit it already. One more thing, if you take a “mirror picture” don’t be an idiot, make sure you turn the flash off and move the camera away from the face. We don’t need to see a ball of light with boobs. If I see boobs, I like to know who they belong to.
Hey morons, the camera is up here. Right next to your hand.

I can go on, but to not offend the easily offended I will stop for now.
If you agree with me, IDK, lik drop me a com’t oar sumeding. If you don’t, let me know why.
*This was my best.
**Text messages I forgive, since quickness and character limitation is a factor

2008 so far: Update in a nutshell.

Maybe it’s because I have more time to care about what’s happening, or maybe it’s because I’m maturing, funny, but I’ve been following the news a little more closely lately. So for those who, unlike me, do have a life but enjoy keeping up to date with what’s happening around the world, you have me. I will fill you in with what’s up. Ready?

So the year started off with a bang. Well, it was more like a clunk! Because if I’m not mistaking, there was 2 airplane accidents, one on a runway, which was actually a close call and the other one just fell on its belly. Literally.

Mitt Romney, if you didn’t already know, figured out that getting the Republican nomination was a lost cause and quit the race, leaving an old guy and a guy who has the biggest case of faith. In the Democratic side, Obama and Hillary went at it, then they made up, then it looked Hillary gave up but then she didn’t and blamed Obama for Xeroxing his speeches and making ugly posters. Now, it looks like she’s willing to suck cock to get the delegates needed, because Obama, being such a badass, is managing to get a butt load of delegates with sweet talk and is probable that he can get the rest.

The US recently sent a missile to a spy satellite and blew it into a million pieces. Upon hearing this, Fidel Castro was like, “Holy shit, that’s scary, little bro…you can take over now” thus leaving Raul Castro as president of Cuba.

At one time or another Reverend Jessie Jackson bitched about something. He’s always bitching about how everything and everyone is a racist. So that’s not new. You know what else isn’t new and a pain in the ass? The new guy, Ralph Nader, running for president. Well not new since he’s don’t it before, but still a pain in the ass to anyone with a legit chance to win.

Yesterday the Academy Awards were given out. I didn’t watch so I don’t know to much about it. I believe the Cohen brothers raped the whole thing and everyone wore red. All I know is that those damn racist are going to quit blaming foreigners for taking their jobs and start blaming them for taking their Oscars. The show almost didn’t happen because of a writers strike. If you missed any of your favorite shows during the strike, blame the internet for it. It has corrupted us all.

Ok this was a bad idea. I’m boring myself. Ill stop now.
If it helped you, great if it didn’t, fuck it. It wasn’t that good of an entry anyways.
*Don’t believe everything as hard fact. I may have made a mistake or mistaken opinion for news.

Catholicism. I don’t believe in it, but I sure love it.

When I think about organized religion, I usually think about how stupid it is. First of all, I don’t have a problem with people having a spiritual side and even believing in a higher deity, what I do have a problem with is all the nonsense that it has created. By nonsense I mean religion, organized nonsense.

So when I watched Constantine, one of my favorite movies, I came up with a personal conclusion. Even though I hate religion and I don’t believe in any of what it says, I have to admit one thing. From all the religions in the world, the Roman Catholic one is probably the coolest.

It incorporates everything that makes anything cool. Last time I checked there wasn’t a Protestant based movie that had as much action and thrill as Constantine did. The movie had demons, exorcisms and a cool dude who kicked a whole lot of ass and smoked a whole lot of cigarettes. The lore itself makes the religion really cool. It’s like the only religion that has dark secrets and will kill to keep them secret. Its the rebels of religions.

I mean what other institution has people taking demons out of little girls and then shooting them down with a gun. I know, I know, there’s religions out there that have exorcisms too, but for some reason, Catholicism has this mystery to it, this obscurity to it that makes for great films.

So basically, what I mean to say is, thank you. Thanks to all the pedophilic priest, all the corrupt bishops in the Vatican and the all images of the Virgin Mary that appear in both sandwiches and windows. Those are the things that keep this religion rolling strong and inspiring great movies.

If you don’t believe me, watch Constantine. If you don’t like that movie, watch The DaVinci Code or V for Vendetta. They’re great examples of what I’m talking about.

Like a gay man, I too hate pussy.

So late last night, another one of my sleepless nights, as I watched a bit of late night TV and deleted some questionable porn that seems to just download by itself, I heard a strange and eerie sound. At first I was spooked; it was the sound of a crying baby.

So I did what any concern (freaked out) person does in the movies. I told the black guy to check it out. Unfortunately I had no token black guys at my disposal or no group for me to split up, so I went alone. Turns out that cats sound like a crying baby when they fuck.

So I came back inside a little disturbed and started to think about cats and why I hate them so much. To my surprise, I hate cats more than I thought.

First of all, cats are hornier than teenage nerds but as promiscuous as middle aged divorcees. That itself is wrong, because as we all learn at the playground, sex will make Mother Goose bring you cabbage and in a few months that cabbage will make a baby and coleslaw, or something like that and that’s what we need. More cats.

Cats also make awful pets. Unlike dogs, cats seem to have a tack for not listening. You can call them by name, nothing. You can call them by the generic “Kitty”, nothing. You can throw your shoe at it, stare down then nothing. Who wants a pet that isn’t going to obey you? I sure the hell don’t.

A dog will stay in one place, no matter how much it wants to move, because it was told to stay there. It’ll come to you no matter what and it’ll play with you at anytime. Don’t expect that from a cat.

“But cats are independent, that’s why they’re so cool.”

If cats were really that independent they wouldn’t be pets. Pets are things you take care of, things that are DEPENDENT on someone else. If cats were really that independent they would open the cat food themselves and clean the litter box themselves.

If you have inside cats, then the hell with you. You’re fucking nuts. If you have outside cats, I have news that might shock you, so sit down. Ready? YOUR CAT IS USING YOU. Hope it’s clear enough.
If you’re cat is outside most of the time then don’t count on it being on your property. Outside cats do only a few things. They walk around town, get laid, walk it off, get laid some more, eat a mouse then come home right on time to get feed. Don’t believe me? See for yourself. Your cat will be nowhere near your house hours before and after you feed them because they’re using you. Not dogs, dogs are too awesome to do that to you, plus they can’t jump over a fence nearly as well as a cat.

Fuck I hate cats.

Why not giving anything for Valentine Day is better for the relationship, and why getting something is an outright insult.

Think about today, today is the national day for inevitable love-making, or as some of the world would call it, fuck day. Not to be confused with “Fuck Summer” which happened in 1969 and I was, unfortunately, not born yet. Well anyways, I started to think about all those Valentine inspired gifts you find prior to the actual day. Contrary to popular belief the gifts are inspired by day and not the other way around. Because after all, it’s a valid holiday and not a sham one, valid like Christmas and its purpose, gifts.
When you start to think, well over think like I do, you start to find underlining insults to the all the common gifts you give and hope to receive. Don’t believe me? Let me change your mind.

Chocolates
What are chocolates? Little brown sweet things, right? Well, sure, in the beginning. So what are you trying to say? The subtle message here is, I love you so much that I’m giving you something that will probably make you fat and will probably raise your chance to get diabetes like 3%. So you better hope I don’t stay with you too long, because if I do, I threaten your health.

Roses
I’ve always thought roses where good gifts, but now, I don’t know. They sort of give the impression that it’s only going to last a few days if properly cared for. It’s not even a thoughtful gift. Who wants to get a gift that, in reality no one wants, has to be taken care of? And why so many? Wouldn’t it be nicer for the two if only one rose was given? Less money spent, less responsibility when it comes to keeping it alive. It’s a win-win.

Jewelry
I’ve never been a fan of jewelry to begin with, but its just a blank and straightforward insult to give it as a gift. What are you saying with a shiny necklace? Hey people, veer your eyes away from my wife and look at the shiny thing on her neck, because unlike her that’s actually nice to look at. Basically the prettier and shinier it is, the more your boyfriend thinks your face isn’t. Sorry that the truth is so harsh. But I’m here to teach.

Nightwear
Simply put, naked is better. If you get one then your nudeness is underappreciated and that can be problematic.

Cards
This one is easy. What are cards? Cheap and widely available.

So there you have it, you romantics. Next year when you look for a gift for your hottie, you should really think of what you’re getting them. As for me, I love my boo so much that I’m not getting her anything, because getting her something, as you can see, is insulting, and I like her too much to insult her.

Why we should allow gay marriages. Easy solution to satisfy both sides.

Something that you don’t heard about as much anymore due to the campaigning polls and results that seem to flood TV now, is that argument and idea that the homosexual community shouldn’t be allowed to wed. I agree, but then again I don’t think anyone should get married. But if everyone else is allowed to, why not let them?

Sure “god” made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve, as some of those silly Christians would say, but isn’t the mere fact that homosexuality exist in both the human and animal kingdom be prove enough that god isn’t perfect? Wait! He’s a god he has to be perfect, so then how do we explain this? Easy. God doesn’t exist, but back to my point.

First of all, I don’t have a thing against the gay community, if anything Im thankful for them. Without them we wouldn’t know how to dress, how to remodel and we wouldn’t have sassy sidekicks on sitcoms.

I’m making a proposal to all the people who oppose gay marriages, mainly the Christian based groups. My idea is as follows.

Its proven fact that a marriage now a days won’t last very long. More than half of marriages end in divorce, right? So these heterosexual couples end up miserable after and during the matrimony. If you wish to make the gay community miserable, then let them get married.

Time magazine had an article that said that in recent studies gay couples broke up more often than straight couples, making me believe that if the choice of marriage was available, more gay partners would divorce thus making them miserable, therefore making you damn conservatives happy.
It’s my win-win solution.