Old People Shouldn't be Allowed to Have Opinions

That's right, if you're old, your right to have opinions has vanished like your ability to eat foods with sugar. First of all, Im not saying that you should go right ahead and die, because we still need you. Who's going to drive those little cars and wear those little red hats in parades? Who's going to slowly drive in front of us with their left blinker on for 10 miles? My gosh! Who's going to keep the adult diaper company afloat?
See we need you.
What we don't need is your input and opinion.
Next time us wrinkle-free civilians walk out of a store, don't tell us how hot it is. We can fucking tell and we don't care if you can.
If we're sitting at a table, don't talk to us about your family. Some of us barely care about our own families, what makes you think we care about yours?

Also, why are the majority of you also so fucking grumpy? That doesn't help you any.
But I guess we have to apologize for some things.
Were sorry that we roll our eyes when you fight with the cashiers about something being 8 cents more than a week ago.
Were sorry that you can't understand technology. That's our bad for wanting to advance.
And were sorry that we say you smell like pee. You do, but in the future, well wait until you leave the room to comment on the odor.

To That Mysterious Commenting Fat Bag of Douche

This entry goes out, as a reply, to a comment I received about my “Cheerleader/Jock” post.

All I know is that she’s fat, she cheers and she obviously wants me.
Ok, first of all, that’s very smart of you to post the comment as Anonymous. You knew that I would not be keeping my mouth shut, and you knew that your name would be made mockery when I was finished with you. So, bravo, I applaud you, you have convinced me that you retain some intelligence. You have proved me wrong. I give you a point.

You have also proven me wrong in another way. You’re right. I am jealous. I do wish I was built like a troll and thought of as a bitch, I wish it all the time. I stay awake all night dreaming of this. You’re living my dream.

But I will not give you credit for a couple of things. First of all, I did not say that I thought that all jocks and cheerleaders are stupid. I only think cheerleaders are stupid.
I have known a couple of very athletic people to be very intelligent. If you would have read the post carefully, that “lacking of the lacking” comment said it all. Some of the jocks I respect because they lack the lacking. To put it in cheerleader talk, what I said was “They’re SMART, S-M-A-R-T!!!”, then I kicked up and show the world my camel toe.

I will also not give you credit for that “its not universal” comment. I know my idea of what’s good looking isn’t universal, BUT it’s pretty fucking general. It’s only sick fucks and closeted gay dudes who find stocky women attractive. Wear your skirts for them. Us normal Joes don’t want to see that cottage cheese your smuggling in those Christmas hams you call legs. Last time I checked, diabetes and high cholesterol don’t sound too sexy.

Another thing, for someone who doesn’t give a fuck about what I post and what I believe, they sure cared enough to write something back. From what I know, if you don’t give a shit about someone’s opinion, you shut the hell up and not prove them right. You’re right about one thing. No one cares how self-centered you are. They know you are. Only the self centered would care about what is written about them.

I hate snake…experts.

I was watching one of those shows about animals that everyone seems to be able to get these days, and a funny thing happened.

The guy was on an island, and on the island there happen to be a lot of snakes. Well turns out that these snakes, whatever they were called, were the most dangerous snakes in the world. I thought “cool” but then it hit me.
Aren’t rattlesnakes the most dangerous snakes in the world? I think I heard that one in a different show, probably same show that said that cobras were the most dangerous snakes in the world.
A
nd in a different show someone had said that the mambas were the most dangerous snakes, a few months after they said that vipers are the worse.

No wonder snakes get a bad fucking rap. No one seems to agree on which is the most dangerous snakes. So how are we learning which snakes not to touch? Are we learning this by thinking that every snake in the world is the most dangerous snake?

Damn hosts, what the hell do they know?
This was just a tad bit of what was on my mind.

Fights on YouTube Create a New Level of Idiocy

By the title itself you might be thinking “old news dickwad, move along”, but what people haven’t noticed is how the controversial video created a new batch of egotistical dumbasses. I sure the hell didn’t notice it until the good old fashion TV news slightly hit on it. I mean, I’m sure most of you have seen that video, the one with all those ugly chicks kicking another ugly chick’s ass, either on the web or as an edited clip on local news. If you saw it on YouTube you may have noticed all of those “RE:” videos, I did and as is custom on the internet, you just ignore them. They’re always someone bitching or imputing their unwanted opinion about the video, who fucking cares what you think. Right?

Well it turns out people are starting to care about what those reply videos are saying. So much so that some of them are getting millions of hits. What are in these videos you may ask? Well as your misinformed informant I shall tell you. They are replies, for the most part, on how embarrassing and how undignified it is to beat on someone and post it on the web for the sole purpose of fame. C’mon it doesn’t take a genius or someone with an acute sense of moral to figure out that harming someone else for fame is a plain no-no, so why are these teens replying with the obvious? Same reason the other chicks were fighting, greedy attention.

The only difference is that they are doing it in a way that makes them look like complete douche bags in a very unentertaining way. Sure you can bust out the web cam and a boring 2 minute monologue on how the girls on the video were “bad” and an “embarrassment for teens”, but who are you kidding? Everyone knows that already, you don’t have to tell us. All that you’re doing is riding that videos popularity in hopes that you can become popular too. We see it all the time, they’re call copy-cats, but at least they are entertaining copy-cats and attention whores.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, stop being an pompous asshole, we all know that what those chicks did was wrong, what makes you think that by posting a little video and stating the obvious will make people think you’re some kind of ethical deity. If you want attention, show us your boobs or pick a fight yourself, don’t preach us or the girls on the video on how wrong we all know that was and if you do, stop making it into a black and white piece of shit. You’re not artistic, you’re a douche.

I hate the people on Maury

So the other day I was watching Maury and he had his almost religiously consistent show of whether or not he’s the baby’s daddy. So I watched through all the drama and then finally the results.

“You….are the father” Guy jumps in the air and chick gets up and hugs her man, crying her eyes out “ I knew it baby, I knew it”. Maury then hugs both of them while the crowd continues their roars of joy and approval. Everyone is happy and full of glee except me. I have the most problem accepting this moment.

Ok, the girl goes there with three guys, one of whom is the boyfriend and the other two are just lovers. The boyfriends always say the same thing, “Even if the baby’s not mine, Ill be his/her father, but I want nothing to do with her.” I have no problem with that, that’s very honorable in my book, but what happens when Maury announces that he is in fact the father? He forgives her, stays with her and everyone from Maury to the audience to the camera man is happy.

Is it just me or didn’t she cheat on him with two other guys? Is that guy forgetting that she’s a cheating whore? I mean what does it tell you when you don’t know who the father is from three guys in one month. That tells me that she was with three guys that month, who knows about the months prior to that or after it.

If it was me who had to be on that show, my mind would be set on the baby not the cheater. So what if it’s my baby, doesn’t take away from that fact that you cheated on me. Like they say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. Which reminds me of another thing; ladies, why do you go back to your boyfriends when they cheat on you, why do you forgive them? I mean you’re stupid to think that he’s not going to do it again. By you accepting him back, you’re giving him permission to cheat on you again. It’s like “this dumb bitch will forgive me again if I cheat on her, all I have to do is act like I’m sorry and bang, I’m good”. Fucking stupid. You know who doesn’t cheat on their girlfriends? Geeks and nerds. So don’t be afraid to get your self one. Our motto for women is this: we won’t be able to do better if we screw up. I’m, luckily, taken by a beautiful girl, so sorry ladies.

I don’t know where I was, so I’ll stop now.

Cheerleaders & Jocks: The Losers of Modern Teenage Society

Remember how back in the day, you used to watch a movie or show set around a high school and there was always a jock dude with a letterman jacket and a hot cheerleader girlfriend? And they were always the envy of everyone else? Then you went to school and saw your school’s jocks and cheerleaders and the only thing you can think of was “Letterman jackets are so fucking ugly, and why the hell are the cheerleaders so fat?”.

So I asked myself this question: Why are high schools still portrait like that? You still see that format in current movies and shows, but does it still hold some truth to it?

Nope.

First of all, this might have only happen at my school, which I doubt, because all teenagers are…just like all other teenagers, complete morons for the most part. Well anyways, this concept of superiority in popularity is pretty misleading. I, for a fact, didn’t care about the jocks or the cheerleaders. I didn’t envy them. Why the hell would I. And after careful observation I noticed no one else at school really cared about them either. You know what I mean, the way they all hang out together. They do that, not because its such an exclusive group, its because no one wants to be part of that group.

Ok, let’s start with jocks. First, I will say this. There were plenty of people who played sports that don’t fall into this category, because of the lack of the lacking. Jocks for the most part, only know how to use their heads to stop another guy from getting past them and I thank them for that, it makes for a great football game. But because of this, it’s hard to have a conversation with someone whose idea of an interesting conversation is a review of good football plays. But jocks cause no harm, their like castrated bears. The real danger and social annoyance comes in the form of a 5 foot, skirt wearing bitch fountain called cheerleaders.

There was never a time in history where cheerleaders weren’t bitches, the only difference is that its no longer a selective group. Squads let any form of bitch in their group, no matter how shitty looking they are, nowadays. Seriously, what makes you think that if you’re an unattractive bitch you’ll gain popularity? I remember back in my senior year, during the rallies, the varsity squad would do their routine and all I could think of was, “Damn, we have shitty looking cheerleaders”. I don’t know why this is; we had a very good looking school. It’s like we’ve entered into a zone where you no longer have to be beautiful to cheer, just sluty. Oh, yeah and act like the whole world cares about your lame ass cheers during football games. Also, when the hell did cheerleading become an extreme sport? I don’t see you wrestling alligators while you skydive with a backpack full of live grenades. The day you do that will be the day you get respect from me and the rest of the world.

Well anyways, that whole misconception of what high school is should be modified to what it really is. Jocks aren’t mean anymore, their just a bit slow and they’re no longer going out with cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are too self-centered and fat to get with a jock these days. Plus, no one envies them anymore, the only feeling they get from the rest of us normal Joes is pity.

I'm not homophobic, I just hate fakes.

So the other day I was talking to someone dear to me and that person made the claim that half the people in the high school we went to, was gay. This person sincerely believed that most of the school if not the town was in fact gay. That statement was based on her acquaintances and their suppose claims of their own sexuality.

This fired me up. Its not the homosexual part that got me fired up, it was how fake teenagers are when it comes to getting attention.

Ok, you guys aren’t going to agree with me, for the most part, but I really feel that people should know how I feel about this. I think that the first thing I should do is ask that if you’re truly and indeed gay/lesbian/bi you should not take offense to this but instead help fish out the fakes.

So half the school is gay? Although I don’t believe it to be true, I do believe that half of our school and any other high school for that matter, claims to be homosexual.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I doubt half the student population of any school is divided that way. From all those teenagers that claim to be gay or have some sort of suppose attraction to the same gender, I would have to tell them to shut the hell up.

Teenagers are always looking for attention, and it seems to be a new trend to tell people that you have feelings for your own gender. Seriously, what the hells up with that? Think of everyone you know that has said at one point, that they’re gay, male or female, during your teen years or young adult years. Now think about how many of those people have stayed that way. I bet you’ll have a few.

I seriously believe that from everyone who, at one point, said that they were indeed gay during high school, 90% of them weren’t, aren’t and will never be. So for those people who are just out for the attention, just because you’re confused or you just broke up with a boyfriend, or you think its cool, doesn’t make you gay. Just fucking stop it, deal with your problem and stop being a fake.

Also, what’s up with all these girls being bi these days? Just because you have a slight attraction to women you’re not bi. Guys have an attraction to each other too, but you don’t see them labeling themselves that way. Look, everyone has an attraction of sorts to their gender, that’s why guys have guys friends and girls have girl friends. This bogus bisexual allure usually involves some sort of altercation with the other gender and by doing so, someone might find comfort with their own gender. That’s normal; it doesn’t make someone bi though.

Before I get too many people pissed I’m going to finish by saying this. I’m not ruling out the fact that there are people in high school that are truly gay or bi, what I’m saying is that most of the people that claim to be, aren’t. Just because you had sex with your gender one night or might have kissed someone doesn’t mean your gay, the most likely reason was vulnerability. If you like having sex with your own gender repeatedly and exclusively, then you’re probably in fact gay, a little loose but gay. If you’re having sexual encounters with both sexes repeatedly and not getting into a serious relationship with neither of them, well you’re probably not bi, you’re most likely just a whore. Whether it be a girlwhore or manwhore, you’re just a whore. Nothing wrong with that, whatever floats your boat is what I always say, but stop using bisexuality to justify whoring around and stop using homosexuality as a way to distinguish yourself as unique. You want to know how to tell if someone is truly gay? They don’t go around advertising it.

That’s that on that. I had this one burning inside of me for a while. Let me know what you think

Really, Why Do You Wear It?

First of all let me start by saying that I’m not a man of fashion, I’m just an honest man with an honest opinion and a keen eye for dipshits and their dipshit apparel. Now that we got that out of the way let me start telling you about things people wear that should be legally banned.
Let’s not waste any time and get straight to it. If you’re a weak reader, brace yourself, its going to be a long ride.

High Heels
I’m starting with this one because it seems to be the one I get the most retaliation from. It’s very simple. If you’re not a runway model, a high corporate puta, or a corner whore you have no reason to wear them. What do they do really? Make your legs look better? Make your butt look better? Sorry to tell you but neither. Want to know why models have great legs and butts? BECAUSE THEYRE MODELS!!!!! Its not the high heels it’s the sheer fact that they’re models and they get paid because they already look good. The heels emphasize great legs, they don’t make great legs. Also, 90% of the people who shouldn’t be wearing them don’t know how to walk with them anyways. I don’t know about you but walking with your back hunched over whilst taking little steps doesn’t read sexy on my sexy meter. As for women CEO’s and whores, well let’s face it. If you’re a CEO you shit money so you don’t care and if you’re a whore, your feet are the last thing your customers are thinking about.

Leggings
Hey if it came from the 80’s, let it stay in the 80’s. Seriously, who’s the stupid jerk off who decided to bring this back? I bet it was a woman. A man wouldn’t try to add another road block to their destination. The only thing this promotes is bad maintenance. It gives a girl a reason to wear a skirt even if she only shaved up to her knee. Its kind of like a “fuck it” provider. I also believe that it’s a loop hole for women to wear short skirts without risking groin flashes. This is my theory about skirts and why leggings contradict my theory. If you wear a skirt, you have to accept the possibility of a panty flash; if you don’t want to risk a panty flash then don’t wear a skirt. It’s more respectable, in my opinion, for a girl to not wear a skirt than to wear one with leggings. Plus it doesn’t look cool, at all.

Cocked Hats
I love wearing my black cap. I love wearing caps in general and I love people who wear them. I think they’re the coolest most versatile pieces of accessories, but you can go to hell if you think you look good having it cocked a little to one side. This is what bothers me most about that style. It takes away the sole purpose of hats, and that is to cover your eyes from the sunlight. I’ve seen people wearing their hats pulled a little to one side and stand around using their hands to cover the light. I sometimes wonder why they even bother to wake up in the morning. It’s like having boat on a freezing lake with you in the water because you look better in the water than you do in the boat. It makes no sense. The only times you’re allowed to do that without looking like a douche bag is when you have to face a certain direction but the sun is position in a way that cocking your hat would help. The other time it’s allowed is when you’re just a douche and you want to tell the world you’re a douche.

Big Bags
We have to give it up for the famous to make such stupid ideas popular among stupid people. Really what do you have to carry that it won’t fit in a regular purse? I can understand why Paris Hilton would wear one; she has a lot of big items she has to carry: a dog, a camera and a hard cover copy of “How to Make Your Ass (and Vagina) the Basis for Every Joke”. I mean I remember going to Mexico once and seeing the older ladies shopping with these big mesh bags, why aren’t they selling those stores? Also why do they call them hobo bags? Any hobo would be ashamed to have such an ugly bag named after them. A hobo wouldn’t be caught dead carrying one of them, they have too much common sense and dignity.

Belts around the Waist
I wear a belt. I have nothing against belts even when used as an accessory. I do, however, have a thing against wearing a belt in the wrong place. Once again I’m not a fashionista and maybe those things have a name, but I’m going to refer to them as gut huggers, because that’s literally what they do. Hug and tuck your gut. A belt is meant to hold or compliment your pants; they were not meant to hide your gut, that’s what a gym’s for. I don’t have a thing against big girls or guys, if that’s how you roll, more power to you, but don’t try to hid rolls by placing a big fat belt around it. If you don’t have a waist don’t try to trick us into thinking you do, because I don’t know if you know this, but the people you’re trying to trick are probably people that already know your fat, so its lost battle.

Skinny Jeans
This goes out to all the emos of the world. Its nothing against you guys, so go ahead, slice, dice and complain to your hearts content, this goes out to your heavier comrades. Please, if you’re over 200 lbs, skinny jeans are just not for you. Oh, sure, its makes your cankles skinnier but it doesn’t take away the fact that the rest of you isn’t. The jeans are what’s skinny not the person in them. I, personally, like jeans, I’ve been an avid wearer, (not the skinny ones but the regular ones) ever since I can remember, but if you’re a girl and you wear skinny jeans, no matter how thin you are, you shouldn’t go out thinking of how sexy you look, because although you might look alright, its definitely not hot attire. It’s ok if you wear them, even cute at times, but for some reason making your butt look 100x’s bigger than your ankles doesn’t shout sexy. And guys, stop wearing girl clothes, just because it’s ok for girls to wear our clothes doesn’t justify you wearing theirs. Also, cut your hair. Their’s only 3 people than can rock long hair: Barry Gibbs, Jesus and me.

Pink
Ok, this one’s for the men. It’s also an old trend, not really seen anymore, but yet it continues to bother me when I do see it. I’m talking about the guys that wear pink and believe that it’s a unique little statement about their manhood. Look, it wasn’t funny when you wore that shirt that read Real Men Wear Pink and it wasn’t a statement when you wore a pink bowtie to prom. Pink on guys have been around for a long time, it’s not new. The only difference is that it wasn’t as gay to wear it then as it is now. Back in the day, it was considered salmon and it was common, but now, thanks to a few idiots, it’s called pink and it’s considered a statement. Fucking hate it.

Scrubs
Who the hell do you think you’re fooling? Do you really want me to believe that by wearing a pair of scrubs I’m going to assume you’re a doctor? Yes because all doctors shop at the 99 cent store and drive a 1998 Ford Focus. I shop at the 99 cent store because I’m not a doctor. You want to know how I know someone’s a doctor. Doctors are those guys that wear slacks and a polo shirt while walking to their BMW or Mercedes. They don’t have to show people their credentials, because their too busy keeping people alive and overcharging them for Tylenol.

Shit, this is getting longer than I wanted it to be. I’m just going to stop right here and maybe continue on a later post.

To conclude my rant, I would like to say this: People, if you have a few working brain cells, please do me a favor and stop dressing up like an asshole. Thank You.

Trust me, there’s more to come on this subject.

Myspace: The Great Creator of Unoriginality

When I first heard of Myspace back in 2003 the first though I had was “Ok, social networking, that’s a good idea” but now its 2008 and I’m finally going to put it out there, MYSPACE IS FULL OF IDIOTS THAT COPY OTHER IDIOTS.

This isn’t news, I know. It was one of the reasons that kept me away from Myspace for such a long time, now I’m wondering why I even joined. The thing is that it’s only the small things that drive me crazy about the people that hang around Myspace.

For example, WhO DeCiDeD tHaT ThIs WaS A cOoL WaY tO wRiTe? Because if you know that person, please do me a favor and kick him/her in the face. Cuz omg, itz sooooooo aknowyeeng (trust me, I’ve seen it spelled that way) een stfu cuz no1 thoz dat anymoor*. That’s another thing I don’t like.

Abbreviations are ok, but don’t try to abbreviate everything and make a word longer than it should be. Also please, if you send me any sort of message or email, please, I beg that you take some time with grammar and spelling. I do. That’s how much I care about you guys. Once again I don’t mind abbreviations, but take it easy. What happened to actually caring about what you write these days? I mean, you’re on your computer; you have a full fucking keyboard with all 26 letters. Use them all. It’s not a phone pad, ** you can use all the letters.

Another thing is pictures. I don’t mind that you have a zillion pictures, but is it really necessary to have 100 of them from the same party, with the same people in all of them? I mean, I get it, you went there, you meet those 4 and you had fun. I got it from the first 2 pictures; I don’t need 98 more of them.

Also, last time I checked, cameras still have delay timers. So what’s up with all of those self taken pictures? You know the ones with your face, your shoulder and a trail of arm going up to the corner of the picture? And why do you feel the need to take some of those with yourself looking down? Its not artist, if that’s what your going for, its stupid. I can see how one or two would be ok, but quit it already. One more thing, if you take a “mirror picture” don’t be an idiot, make sure you turn the flash off and move the camera away from the face. We don’t need to see a ball of light with boobs. If I see boobs, I like to know who they belong to.
Hey morons, the camera is up here. Right next to your hand.

I can go on, but to not offend the easily offended I will stop for now.
If you agree with me, IDK, lik drop me a com’t oar sumeding. If you don’t, let me know why.
*This was my best.
**Text messages I forgive, since quickness and character limitation is a factor

2008 so far: Update in a nutshell.

Maybe it’s because I have more time to care about what’s happening, or maybe it’s because I’m maturing, funny, but I’ve been following the news a little more closely lately. So for those who, unlike me, do have a life but enjoy keeping up to date with what’s happening around the world, you have me. I will fill you in with what’s up. Ready?

So the year started off with a bang. Well, it was more like a clunk! Because if I’m not mistaking, there was 2 airplane accidents, one on a runway, which was actually a close call and the other one just fell on its belly. Literally.

Mitt Romney, if you didn’t already know, figured out that getting the Republican nomination was a lost cause and quit the race, leaving an old guy and a guy who has the biggest case of faith. In the Democratic side, Obama and Hillary went at it, then they made up, then it looked Hillary gave up but then she didn’t and blamed Obama for Xeroxing his speeches and making ugly posters. Now, it looks like she’s willing to suck cock to get the delegates needed, because Obama, being such a badass, is managing to get a butt load of delegates with sweet talk and is probable that he can get the rest.

The US recently sent a missile to a spy satellite and blew it into a million pieces. Upon hearing this, Fidel Castro was like, “Holy shit, that’s scary, little bro…you can take over now” thus leaving Raul Castro as president of Cuba.

At one time or another Reverend Jessie Jackson bitched about something. He’s always bitching about how everything and everyone is a racist. So that’s not new. You know what else isn’t new and a pain in the ass? The new guy, Ralph Nader, running for president. Well not new since he’s don’t it before, but still a pain in the ass to anyone with a legit chance to win.

Yesterday the Academy Awards were given out. I didn’t watch so I don’t know to much about it. I believe the Cohen brothers raped the whole thing and everyone wore red. All I know is that those damn racist are going to quit blaming foreigners for taking their jobs and start blaming them for taking their Oscars. The show almost didn’t happen because of a writers strike. If you missed any of your favorite shows during the strike, blame the internet for it. It has corrupted us all.

Ok this was a bad idea. I’m boring myself. Ill stop now.
If it helped you, great if it didn’t, fuck it. It wasn’t that good of an entry anyways.
*Don’t believe everything as hard fact. I may have made a mistake or mistaken opinion for news.

Catholicism. I don’t believe in it, but I sure love it.

When I think about organized religion, I usually think about how stupid it is. First of all, I don’t have a problem with people having a spiritual side and even believing in a higher deity, what I do have a problem with is all the nonsense that it has created. By nonsense I mean religion, organized nonsense.

So when I watched Constantine, one of my favorite movies, I came up with a personal conclusion. Even though I hate religion and I don’t believe in any of what it says, I have to admit one thing. From all the religions in the world, the Roman Catholic one is probably the coolest.

It incorporates everything that makes anything cool. Last time I checked there wasn’t a Protestant based movie that had as much action and thrill as Constantine did. The movie had demons, exorcisms and a cool dude who kicked a whole lot of ass and smoked a whole lot of cigarettes. The lore itself makes the religion really cool. It’s like the only religion that has dark secrets and will kill to keep them secret. Its the rebels of religions.

I mean what other institution has people taking demons out of little girls and then shooting them down with a gun. I know, I know, there’s religions out there that have exorcisms too, but for some reason, Catholicism has this mystery to it, this obscurity to it that makes for great films.

So basically, what I mean to say is, thank you. Thanks to all the pedophilic priest, all the corrupt bishops in the Vatican and the all images of the Virgin Mary that appear in both sandwiches and windows. Those are the things that keep this religion rolling strong and inspiring great movies.

If you don’t believe me, watch Constantine. If you don’t like that movie, watch The DaVinci Code or V for Vendetta. They’re great examples of what I’m talking about.

Like a gay man, I too hate pussy.

So late last night, another one of my sleepless nights, as I watched a bit of late night TV and deleted some questionable porn that seems to just download by itself, I heard a strange and eerie sound. At first I was spooked; it was the sound of a crying baby.

So I did what any concern (freaked out) person does in the movies. I told the black guy to check it out. Unfortunately I had no token black guys at my disposal or no group for me to split up, so I went alone. Turns out that cats sound like a crying baby when they fuck.

So I came back inside a little disturbed and started to think about cats and why I hate them so much. To my surprise, I hate cats more than I thought.

First of all, cats are hornier than teenage nerds but as promiscuous as middle aged divorcees. That itself is wrong, because as we all learn at the playground, sex will make Mother Goose bring you cabbage and in a few months that cabbage will make a baby and coleslaw, or something like that and that’s what we need. More cats.

Cats also make awful pets. Unlike dogs, cats seem to have a tack for not listening. You can call them by name, nothing. You can call them by the generic “Kitty”, nothing. You can throw your shoe at it, stare down then nothing. Who wants a pet that isn’t going to obey you? I sure the hell don’t.

A dog will stay in one place, no matter how much it wants to move, because it was told to stay there. It’ll come to you no matter what and it’ll play with you at anytime. Don’t expect that from a cat.

“But cats are independent, that’s why they’re so cool.”

If cats were really that independent they wouldn’t be pets. Pets are things you take care of, things that are DEPENDENT on someone else. If cats were really that independent they would open the cat food themselves and clean the litter box themselves.

If you have inside cats, then the hell with you. You’re fucking nuts. If you have outside cats, I have news that might shock you, so sit down. Ready? YOUR CAT IS USING YOU. Hope it’s clear enough.
If you’re cat is outside most of the time then don’t count on it being on your property. Outside cats do only a few things. They walk around town, get laid, walk it off, get laid some more, eat a mouse then come home right on time to get feed. Don’t believe me? See for yourself. Your cat will be nowhere near your house hours before and after you feed them because they’re using you. Not dogs, dogs are too awesome to do that to you, plus they can’t jump over a fence nearly as well as a cat.

Fuck I hate cats.

Why not giving anything for Valentine Day is better for the relationship, and why getting something is an outright insult.

Think about today, today is the national day for inevitable love-making, or as some of the world would call it, fuck day. Not to be confused with “Fuck Summer” which happened in 1969 and I was, unfortunately, not born yet. Well anyways, I started to think about all those Valentine inspired gifts you find prior to the actual day. Contrary to popular belief the gifts are inspired by day and not the other way around. Because after all, it’s a valid holiday and not a sham one, valid like Christmas and its purpose, gifts.
When you start to think, well over think like I do, you start to find underlining insults to the all the common gifts you give and hope to receive. Don’t believe me? Let me change your mind.

Chocolates
What are chocolates? Little brown sweet things, right? Well, sure, in the beginning. So what are you trying to say? The subtle message here is, I love you so much that I’m giving you something that will probably make you fat and will probably raise your chance to get diabetes like 3%. So you better hope I don’t stay with you too long, because if I do, I threaten your health.

Roses
I’ve always thought roses where good gifts, but now, I don’t know. They sort of give the impression that it’s only going to last a few days if properly cared for. It’s not even a thoughtful gift. Who wants to get a gift that, in reality no one wants, has to be taken care of? And why so many? Wouldn’t it be nicer for the two if only one rose was given? Less money spent, less responsibility when it comes to keeping it alive. It’s a win-win.

Jewelry
I’ve never been a fan of jewelry to begin with, but its just a blank and straightforward insult to give it as a gift. What are you saying with a shiny necklace? Hey people, veer your eyes away from my wife and look at the shiny thing on her neck, because unlike her that’s actually nice to look at. Basically the prettier and shinier it is, the more your boyfriend thinks your face isn’t. Sorry that the truth is so harsh. But I’m here to teach.

Nightwear
Simply put, naked is better. If you get one then your nudeness is underappreciated and that can be problematic.

Cards
This one is easy. What are cards? Cheap and widely available.

So there you have it, you romantics. Next year when you look for a gift for your hottie, you should really think of what you’re getting them. As for me, I love my boo so much that I’m not getting her anything, because getting her something, as you can see, is insulting, and I like her too much to insult her.

Why we should allow gay marriages. Easy solution to satisfy both sides.

Something that you don’t heard about as much anymore due to the campaigning polls and results that seem to flood TV now, is that argument and idea that the homosexual community shouldn’t be allowed to wed. I agree, but then again I don’t think anyone should get married. But if everyone else is allowed to, why not let them?

Sure “god” made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve, as some of those silly Christians would say, but isn’t the mere fact that homosexuality exist in both the human and animal kingdom be prove enough that god isn’t perfect? Wait! He’s a god he has to be perfect, so then how do we explain this? Easy. God doesn’t exist, but back to my point.

First of all, I don’t have a thing against the gay community, if anything Im thankful for them. Without them we wouldn’t know how to dress, how to remodel and we wouldn’t have sassy sidekicks on sitcoms.

I’m making a proposal to all the people who oppose gay marriages, mainly the Christian based groups. My idea is as follows.

Its proven fact that a marriage now a days won’t last very long. More than half of marriages end in divorce, right? So these heterosexual couples end up miserable after and during the matrimony. If you wish to make the gay community miserable, then let them get married.

Time magazine had an article that said that in recent studies gay couples broke up more often than straight couples, making me believe that if the choice of marriage was available, more gay partners would divorce thus making them miserable, therefore making you damn conservatives happy.
It’s my win-win solution.

Isn’t it time to end the reservations? HELL YES

For a long time I’ve been a big supporter for a movement that is so taboo that I’ve gotten a few stink eyes when I mention it.

I believe in the idea that Indian Reservations should be done with and the people in them should live normal taxpaying way of life that every other American and non American lives.

I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s all of America that think that Indian Reservations are a waste of taxpayers money, it feels like it’s just me though. Everyone else is too scared to touch on such a controversial issue.

Think about it, other than the fact that the “Native Americans”, and I quote this because the generation that lives there now is too mixed to actually be considered native anymore, get all this government aid like welfare, but are not required to pay any sort of tax. The only tax they pay is any sales tax they come upon when they aren’t shopping inside their tax free reservation.

So basically they get all this government money, by not doing anything, because hundrends of years ago their land was taken over by Americans.

SO FUCKING WHAT!! GET OVER IT!

So what do you do when you get all these free money and exemption from taxes? You stop working and get fucking drunk. I’m not being a racist here but it’s a common fact that a very large portion of people living in reservations are unemployed alcoholics.

This subject flares me up so much I’m just going to stop now before I say something that might offend someone even more. Even though I think that the only way to make those droning alcoholic babies come through and realize all the bullshit everyone is thinking has some sense to it, is by airing out the truth.

If you live in one of those reservations, think of something. When your house if burning down and you call OUR fire department, by ours I mean taxpayer’s fire department, you think about how that fire truck was bought and how those men are getting paid, because honestly we, taxpayers, are doing you a favor by not letting your pampered ass get burned.

I will say one thing; I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone with a Native American background. This isn’t a race thing; it’s purely an integrity thing.